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Aquarius Notes

I gained awareness that in a moment, at any given moment, I could CHOOSE to submit to anxiety, indulge avoidance, invite fear in the door, permit myself to be depressed, let myself go. This motivated me to keep my face towards the light, so that I can do some good for others with what is left of my life. Am I always successful? No, some days are better than others. Anger and self regulation of my behavior are issues. Sometimes I’m petty, other times self-centered, yet other times stuck. Most of the time, at least, I’m aware of it. Most of the time, however, I am able to take responsibility.
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This year has been about exploring and owning my Aquarian individualism and owning my core need for a strong sense of community (friends and family). What began in 2008 and culminated in 2009 was a stripping away of my outdated sense of who I was as an individual, outdated relationships and the community I called my friends. Who I was and my friends didn’t really function very well most of this year. My identity was fragmented, I couldn’t quite grasp who I was (maybe that Neptune in Aquarius was making it all murky), and I was polarized with my strengths and weaknesses coming into glaring focus.
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Many of my emotions, needs and patterns went from being subconscious to conscious and then the Universe, through relationships, asked me to change them to better fit the newly developing me. I learned to let go of trying to control people and the Universe and instead use creative energy, my own energy and the energies that are occurring astrologically to create the kind of life I want and know I deserve.
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I’ve come fully into my being – owning my power, owning myself, owning my experience of life, owning my relationships – by being aware and standing in my truth and being the creative force in my life. I have let go of old, outdated modes of relating to others and myself and formed new, more aware ones. I have shed what was the societal and parental version of myself and I have discovered the true me underneath and all the potential I have.
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This year created the space for sharing something which had been bubbling in me and maturing. I am now writing; in the flow and blessed at the shift into center.
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Before this year, I had a daily routine. Ever since then, it’s as though my life has been pattern-averse. There’s no such thing as a daily routine anymore. Every day brings something new and has a different flow of events.
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The Saturn/Uranus opposition has brought certain political themes into sharp relief: generational change, structural problems in the government (like the Senate filibuster), and the extent to which Beltway culture is rigged to favor the right even when they’re out of power.
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Saturn moving into Libra heralds my first Saturn return. I’m starting to feel the effects, but also feel as though I’m handling it really well so far. Awareness of the nature of this transit gives me the power to navigate it successfully.
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I’ve been feeling my reality and potential equally, and getting to “see” myself, with warts and all, and not making such a big deal about it, worrying about who to please, or worried about pleasing in general–this is a nice breakthrough for me.
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It feels like there’s alot less to lose, and therefore, I’m venturing outward. This last year or so I’ve found myself really taking big steps forward in assuming control over what I want to do with my life, versus what I’ve had to do. There is a mashup: The things I have to do to survive and the things I want to do to really thrive. Before, the thrive area was the place where I went to keep sane. Now its the place I plan to be at in my foreseeable future.
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I’ve learned not to “think” or “analyze” situations. What I have learned to do is “accept,” “feel” and “live” in the moment.

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