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Gemini Confidential (for Sun and ascendant)

By Eric Francis

Gemini (May 20- June 21)

In the process of creating or recreating yourself, there is the inevitable task of taking yourself back. That is, when we consciously claim existence, we inevitably take back aspects of ourselves that have been invested in others: power that we have given away, commitments we’ve made that don’t serve us, discovering that others have found a way to co-opt us. These investments may be in relationships, business deals, material objects and in numerous other species of involvement, some of which we may not be aware of yet. You have arrived at that point of claiming yourself back, and it may feel strange.

The paradox is that most of what you might want to take back, you cannot really give in the first place. So in many ways this is a conceptual exercise, conducted within yourself. It’s a rearrangement of your thought patterns, which is appropriate enough for one whose existence is influenced by Mercury. That is the thing about you: one born under an air sign, ruled by a planet that switches directions six times a year (three times retrograde, three times direct, with other fancy maneuvers) is going to be restless, and consistency toward your goals presents a special challenge.

Yet many factors (particularly focused on the earthy signs Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn) suggest that you are working to ground yourself, and to devote yourself toward more challenging long-term goals. Some of these involve dealing with the past; some involve creating the future; all of your efforts must, in fact, take up residence in your present awareness. Whatever changes you went through in the early part of the year — something seems to have shaken up your reality, and it looks like you’re still discovering it actually helped you — if no other way than by revealing a truth that you had long concealed from yourself, or that someone may have intentionally hidden from you.

Whatever that event, whether it involved a marriage, a legacy of some kind (such as a will or estate) or a contractual matter or an employment, the message, more than implied, is that you need to be grounded in the facts and make decisions based on those facts. New information comes out constantly; it’s up to you to see the patterns and keep your mind out of denial mode. There is an emotional piece here. You are highly subject to guilt, which is a form of denial. Part of your setting free and taking back process involves dismantling that particular apparatus, which is ancestral in nature. Remember, as you deal with and are confronted by guilt, that this is an old, old condition, going back generations, and that you may be the first descendant of your clan who is actually taking this important growth step forward.

Beneath the apparent dramas involving money, power, influence, information or whatever, is an emotional condition (speaking in worldly terms) and a karmic condition (speaking in esoteric terms) that is at the root of the matter. Please don’t be fooled: nothing is really ‘about money’ or ‘about power’. It is always about something else: and your job is to keep an eye on that something else at all times.

One reward of this will be provoking you out of victim mode. The guilt complex you were raised with, presumed to be as natural as a meadow, is really an artificial, toxic environment that has served to hold you down much of your life. However old you may be and however much of this material you may have processed, you may not quite have come to the conclusion that the basis of any exchange is nullified if the medium of exchange is guilt, or by extension, domination, or coercion. Remember this, because in order to create the success or fulfillment you want — including the fulfillment of a mission — you need to be able to address, sidestep or remove these potential obstacles.

The emphasis in your charts has evolved during the past year in the direction of the long haul, and the first project on the agenda is systematically claiming yourself back from anything you don’t want: including patterns, family and in particular, any way you make your money that does not support your larger goals, or worse yet, that detracts from them. Think of it this way: any involvement will either add energy to your life, or take it away. Money is not the only form of energy; often it’s used as bait by vampires who want something else. And this may work within you: the longer you work in a bar, the more convinced you may become that you’ll never support yourself as an actor, photographer, writer, broadcaster or whatever it is you want to do.

The Dawning of a Dream

Your dream is dawning. Over the past year, you’ve experienced a shift of orientation that is allowing you to see your potential for actual, authentic success. Your charts say that you have spent at least a year developing and refining a vision, in theory: that was the alignment of Jupiter, Chiron and Neptune in your solar 9th house — the house of your mental horizon and contact with what some call the ‘higher self’. It’s as if you’ve been channeling some future version of yourself. Plenty of information has been coming in. If you haven’t been taking notes, definitely start, and make sure they are illustrated.

I know from being an editor and art director for many years that it’s sometimes difficult to explain to people that their ideas are valuable and worth tracking and organizing. It’s worth keeping that notebook in your pocket or scribbling your seemingly minor revelations into your BlackBerry while everyone else is sitting around gabbing about the Jets.

Be aware of all the potential topics of the 9th house, and how they can work with you. For you personally this involves any international networking project or idea (which would have been a ridiculous concept 10 or 15 years ago, but now with the Internet is a potential reality for anyone who wants to go there); anything international at all, including anyone you meet whose passport doesn’t look like yours; publishing (particularly electronic) and the associated technology; personal growth; any form of information organization (such as a database); and good old-fashioned travel.

Over the past year, you’ve had many developments in this house. But it’s a behind-the-scenes kind of house, though one of the most significant changes that you experience in 2010 is that the events move onto the center stage of your life.

This is about activity in Pisces: Jupiter has arrived. True, there has been stuff going on in Pisces nonstop for seven years, but Uranus in Pisces is not easy to get a grasp on. This transit may have felt more like a tease than anything you could hitch your chariot onto. Flashes of insight, fantasies, momentary potential for success, a few splashes of success: now, you keep that energy and add the opportunity factor of Jupiter and the grounding factor of Mercury spending most of its time in earthy signs.

Jupiter in Pisces may not quite have the solid factor that you seek, of itself. However, many of the opportunities that Jupiter presents you with are as real as you make them. These will be harbingers of the future — which will be all the more available if you are able to liberate yourself from the trappings of the past, while at the same time devoting actual discipline to what you want to create. That discipline must begin with being clear about what you want, and what you want to create.

There is one last part: the role of leader that you assigned to others in the past is now yours to take on. You need to be the one who keeps the big picture, and who strives to understand the whole system of anything that you are involved with.

Saturn in your Solar 5th House: Sexus Nexus

One of the most meaningful transits you’re under weaves together the themes of creativity, independence, economics — and sex. Notice how everything in your life involves everything else in your life, and builds on everything else in your life. A little later I will come to the theme of breaking apart false compartments, but for now let’s look at the theme of synergy.

Libra is your solar 5th house: creativity, enjoyment, risk-taking and exploring sex. The planet making a transit through this house is Saturn, which few people would admit is a sexy energy: but Saturn in Venus in the 5th house is another story, particularly since Saturn is the ruler of your 8th house (the deep sex we really need). Saturn is the planet that we can associate with the concepts of necessity, discipline and structure.

Saturn in the 5th is saying: make room for what you want as a necessary act of creative maturity. Apply yourself on a daily basis. Embrace the boring parts of the work as well as the exciting parts of the work. Keep your focus.

And: work for independence in your sexual relationships. To do this, you will need to address certain tendencies you have to bond with others to the point where you disappear from existence; where commitment to a relationship subsumes your commitment to yourself. Here, the sex attribute is directly linked to the creative and relational attributes: they all seem to experience the same fate, at once.

To grow in the ways you’re wanting to grow, and to succeed in the ways you seem determined to succeed, you need to guide that fate in the direction of your own choices. While you may have to give up certain relationships, you certainly need to guide the relationships you’re currently in toward your own idea of what your life needs to be, rather than having your wants and needs get mixed up with those of everyone else.

Claiming back projections can be painful, because it’s a blow to the ego. However, once you begin to succeed at it, you might not want to stop. This relates to the claiming back process I began with.

As one Gemini reader put it, “I’m in the process of learning how to stop taking on others’ responsibilities; to stop seeing everything and everyone else as slow, and to learn from their pace. While I may seem to have an inexhaustible supply of mental agility, resilience and a huge appetite for ideas, I need to be responsible about plumbing those depths as it may be harmful to myself and others. Especially, when it involves shifting contexts and realities.

“In short, I’m in the process of forgiving my seven-year-old self who, on discovering the wonderful world of literature and the mental plane, became angry with the material plane of relationships, home and family for not behaving in the same way; forgiving it for sometimes being a scary and unsafe place to be. I’m learning how to release this anger and say this is okay and not to take it personally. I’m beginning to trust my other senses to guide me and keep me safe. I’m developing the courage to ask for help, and to speak up when I feel abused. This year I went to my first counseling session. I’m saying goodbye to power trips, to obsession and to intensity. I’ve discovered that I love everyone in my life, and that I need to quit trying to fix them.”

And I would add: quit trying to fix yourself.

Of Words and Intentions

It’s something of a stereotype that Gemini likes words, but it’s one of the true ones. This has as much to do with Mercury ruling your sign as it does with what appears in your solar 3rd house (the house of writing, ideas and communication): which would be Leo. It’s not just Mercury working here, or the airy nature of Gemini. It’s that you seek identity in the 3rd house; and you have most of your power of expression focused there. This 3rd house/Leo direction is where you go when you want to feel like someone; to feel like you have a place on the planet.

Mars is now making a long retrograde in this house, which is calling your attention here. If you happen to be in a profession that utilizes words, technology, ideas or some form of direct expression, you may be feeling the frustration of Mars retrograde as delays or stumbling blocks. Yet right beneath that, plenty else is happening. Mars is asking a question: what do you want to be saying? And holistically, what is the statement of your existence?

Artists and writers don’t just make products that are ‘apart’ from them. That which is produced and therefore communicated is their entire existence. Creative process is holistic. Ideas have a source, and that source is you, or something coming through you.

This is all quite intimate. Words, ideas and emotion evoke one another for you; there is no special order of operations; this can work in any order. Regardless of what influences what, you experience a continual quest for integrity, and you’re now being pulled deep into your creative, mental and verbal processes to locate the core of your reality there. This is not about words or ideas or pictures: this is the quest to discover your essential being through using these tools. The results, however, have the potential to be a valuable commodity.

Desire is a Mars function. Mars is retrograde in Leo, a sign that could not be more different than your own in that Leo is not dualistic; it is unified. Leo wants to express itself in one voice, and typically wants the spotlight. Yet Mars retrograde is stirring up not just light but also shadow. True, this is a form of dualism: everything has an opposite polarity, and sometimes several kinds of opposites. One function of Mars is to acquaint you with all that you don’t want to say, all that you’ve concealed and all that you struggle to understand.

Stay in close contact with your reluctance. Notice any feelings similar to those of childhood that may show up: both the 3rd house and Leo have potent connections to what we experienced as a child of about crawling age up to toddler age. Part of the message here is getting in touch with your struggle expressing yourself as a child, and untangling those knots — so you’re not dragging them around as an adult.

The ways in which you seek unity, clarity and personal expression could be called ‘correct speech’. This connects to your mind and your environment; but words have special value to you, as a focal point of your identity. The Bible talks about how in the beginning there was the word; this has a deep element of truth for you, and is a concept revered by our culture. Images also have special influence, a balancing influence — and I will come to that topic shortly.

Your words have value. They may be the most valuable asset you possess. I don’t mean this only in the sense of their monetary value (though this would hold true, by extension), but more in their relational value; as a measure of your integrity; as a measure of your mental wellness. You may be going through a phase when no words express how you really feel; and when you’re wondering how you can handle your own tendency toward cynicism, regret or self-reproach: and this may have you feeling out of sorts and needing to sort yourself out.

You may be aware of the phenomenon of when your thoughts turn on you. They can go dark and can seem to take on a life of their own, seizing control of your mind. This is such a common human struggle that we really need training for what to do when it happens; for how to get out of negative mental thought loops. It’s worth mentioning the cost to you who can create your reality using words like cells or seeds: you can hurt yourself with your mind. You can direct anger at others unnecessarily. And finally, you can lose any clear sense of your creative power if you get caught in one of these negative or cynical loops.

Both your talents and your frustrations with words resemble those of a child. That is the gift you possess: a stark freshness with ideas that can be blunt, funny, wise and provocative. Yet lately you may feel like you fail to live up to your potential. What you may struggle with unwittingly is the feeling of writing or speaking for an audience, which can put an uncomfortable layer of self-consciousness between you and your sense of presence.

While it’s important to keep your audience in mind when you’re communicating (on any level, be it for a wide audience or the recipient of an email), and to maintain the technical quality of what you say and do, the attribute that bestows authenticity is about coming from your heart. You don’t need to be right; you don’t need to be exact; you merely need to experience what you’re feeling and express yourself directly. All of your best virtues stem from simple authenticity. At the moment, that’s the piece you may be questioning the most.

This is related to what I’ll call the depth issue. When your thoughts take your awareness deeper than you’re accustomed to going, you can reach a place where everything becomes unfamiliar and uncertain. That’s the point where you can become extremely insecure and self-critical. One of your options is to pull yourself back to the surface of your mind, specifically to avoid getting caught in both the feeling of lacking authenticity and the deeper tangle of direct self-criticism (which may have its roots in the feeling of ‘not being real enough’).

An Authenticity Check

I would suggest that Mars retrograde in Leo is a moment to conduct an authenticity check, and to learn new skills that will help you be real, as well as gain the benefits of doing so, and to handle the issues that being real creates. The first of those may be insecurity: the feeling that beneath the appearances you present to the world, you live in a maze of doubt. Here, you need to be cautious about what I will call the self-inflicted issue. Doubt for you is like an echo chamber; the more you question, the more questions you hear.

This condition alone can cause you significant distress: in short, that results from the fear that you are not authentic enough, not worthy enough, not brave enough. I want to propose that there is a childhood situation that you can identify and work through that would help you resolve this situation, if you feel that it presents you with difficulties. One clue I can give you is rather than being something hidden and cryptic, this situation is obvious and so easy to see that you may have overlooked it.

I would propose that you were seen one way (by the adults and possibly your siblings), and felt a different way — and this created tension in your psyche, such as the fear of being ‘found out’.

Or, you were seen as talented in one way but felt that your deeper attributes were missed by those who you really needed to acknowledge you. Your charts suggest that you were more mature as a child than the adults around you noticed; but since that maturity was not rewarded, you began to doubt its meaning and its value. If you took on this perception, you may have judged yourself as immature, losing certain attributes of being a child while secretly taking on adult mental responsibilities.

For you speaking, writing and moreover thinking well are the marks of an adult, and I want to remind you how vital it is that you feel competent and aligned with yourself in these aspects of life. It would be fair to say that this contains a holistic key for you: a key to your total wellbeing. That does indeed depend on the thoughts you think about yourself, which is your first environment — your mental environment. This extends from your senses to your psychological patterns into your immediate physical environment, such as your dwelling space and the neighborhood where it’s situated. See what you can learn from considering these as one environment.

Just like many speech impediments have their roots not in an ‘inability’ but rather in childhood emotional material, your struggle with words works in a similar way. You move between two layers: an expressive layer and a perfectionist one; or a layer of image and a layer of doubt; a layer of child and a layer of adult. Yet it is the space between them where your power, healing and talent reside.

While you’re considering some of the deeper aspects of how you appear on the monitor of your own mental process, consider what inputs are influencing that process. Find a few sources of annoyance in your environment and try shifting or removing them. Think back to your childhood and consider what about that environment both annoyed you and supported you. Consider how you may have felt powerless to change what you didn’t like. Do you still feel that sense of powerlessness? That information will give you clues for how you can adjust your mental environment now. In many ways your mental pattern is who you are — or rather, you become it, and it becomes you.

Integrity and Compartmentalized Situations

Let’s return to Pluto in Capricorn for another subject: compartmentalization. One of your talents is compartmentalizing your situations. You feel this way about this person, and you’re this way with them. You feel that way with that person, and you’re that way with them. This can manifest many ways, from differences in ‘who you are’ in friendships and business arrangements that exist independently of one another; to multiple ‘monogamous’ relationships that are kept in their own little cells, which can contain many different versions of who you are.

This works fine, until you come to the point where you have to reconcile ‘this’ with ‘that’. It works till the cell membranes start to break down and you cannot keep situations separate, because you are not separate.

Pluto is telling you that now is the time to work this out. Part of what you are reclaiming your life from is situations where your investments divide you. This ‘division of self’ is an integrity issue; integrity means integration of the seemingly separate parts of who we are.

This divided quality tends to manifest as situations competing with one another. Your usual intention is to keep them separate, but to do this is to play divide and conquer with yourself. Then the world seems to play it with you. Competition is a sure way to tie up creative energy.

There are two ways to experience Pluto in the 8th house: as something coming at you, or as a focal point to organize your thoughts. You know about the first example: it’s the sense of being powerless in the face of the ‘inevitable’. The second would feel something like: you want to do something adventurous (Saturn in Libra in your solar 5th house), but you come up against a commitment that supposedly prevents you from exploring (Saturn square Pluto in Capricorn in the 8th house).

What is adventurous? Sex, art, rock and roll, mushrooms, redecorating, writing a novel, having a party, having a(nother) relationship. What is a commitment? Perhaps it’s an existing relationship, especially one where money creates a power dynamic. Perhaps it’s a concept of propriety with its roots in the past. Perhaps it’s a sense of loyalty to someone who is no longer in-body, or in your world. It may be a situation where a partner is acting like a parent, or where you are treating them like a parent.

You would have two choices, at that point: one is to comply with the seeming demand or requirement; the other is to make an adjustment in your reality so that you are free. I bet you could make a list of a dozen instances in the past few months where this came up. You may be thinking: All this work I did on myself and in my relationships — and I’m still coming up against this? Well, you are — in the sense that you’re moving from theory to practice. Practice is real-life experiential situations. Make a note, these are likely to be a little scary, because your independence is on the line; and you are moving toward real independence, which is nerve-wracking all by itself.

Reinventing Yourself; Discovering What You Want

I recognize that many parts of this reading seem obsessed with psychology and the psychology of relationships; that’s what the planets suggest you are working through. Yet the deeper message is reaching that point of inner unity. We’ve already talked about how you are your art. You are the ‘product’ of what you produce and it is the ‘product’ of you. ‘It’ is not separate from you. There is nothing to divide off. You are not separate from yourself; you are the same person all the time.

After a while — give it about four or five months, to around the time of your birthday — suddenly everything seems simpler. It all comes down to this: unity is about giving yourself permission to want what you want. We both know that you desire; we both know that can put you into conflict with yourself and others. I suggest you keep exploring how this happens by examining your psychology and your relationships: but remember, once you know what you desire and then give yourself permission to want it, life gets much simpler.

You can take this one idea and consider it in the context of everything else I’ve said. Think of everything, from reclaiming the elements of your life to acquiring discipline, as an exploration of what you want. Your whole life is moving in the direction of one thing: allowing yourself to have a vision for yourself — in particular, the one that you want the very most. How much of your ‘failure’ to get what you want is associated with confusion about what you want? I would take a guess and say very nearly all of it.

Can you imagine a life where you don’t fight yourself? Can you imagine a life where you are who you are, and nothing else, no matter what anyone else thinks? I suggest you practice every day, because if you do, the time will arrive shortly when you have the opportunity to create precisely that for yourself. Yes, to manifest this you will need to maintain balance, and keep your focus on the many seemingly different angles of integrity maintenance. Yet these are designed to get one result: you admitting to, and living, your personal truth as a fully open gesture in the world.

3 Responses to “Gemini Confidential (for Sun and ascendant)”

  1. Ayesha says:

    Eric, this is SO right on!! I’m reading this in July, but in December ’09, when you posted it, I was in the process of freeing myself from a mortgage and a job that I felt was slavery (after enjoying teaching for decades, I finally was disgusted with the proudly ignorant and disrespectful adolescents in my HS).

    I sold/gave away everything, short-sold my condo, LEFT and moved 1,000 miles away–all before the middle of January. Now, six months later, I KNOW, finally, what I want and am happy to give myself the life I feel it is my mission to live…

    I knew that Pluto in my sixth house (I have Leo rising) would make big changes in my work, but my whole life is different now, every moment–I’ve never been freer or happier!
    With my natal moon in Pisces and the advent of Chiron, it all fits, doesn’t it?

    Planet waves is a superb resource for me–thank you.

    Ayesha

  2. inspira says:

    Hi Eric!

    What do you mean by “quit trying to fix yourself” in the Saturn in 5th House section? (and I don’t mean it as a facetious question!)

    Your insight is amazing and concise. I wish I had read it sooner (like last year!). Speaking of which, when is the 2011 edition due to come out?

  3. inspira — it should be ready at the end of january, but you can purchase it now if you have not already! just contact chelsea!

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