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Libra Notes

Libra — Quotes from

I’m not sure what Saturn returning to Libra is supposed to mean for me, but I do recognize some maturity coming in, some coming to terms with my aging, more resilience with my shadow side, more capacity to be joyful.
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Patience is an important theme. I’m learning to allow the past to be fully finished and watching my projections and trigger points. I continue to look deeply into what is mine.
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I like my Libra-ness, although lots of people don’t understand it. It’s about structure and form and keeping those things intact; letting one’s inner nature express itself through its natural forms.
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The universal truth about grief isn’t loss, although there’s a huge gap in my life now, it’s regret. The choices that I made in the past may or may not have been right for me at the time, but today, I regret not being a better daughter. The choices I had to make for my mother at the end of her life, the doctor assured me were correct, but I’ll never know for sure.
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In the past year, I valued family in a way that I didn’t before. I’ve gone back to a community that was not very good to me. I chose how I want to put that into my life in the future. Do I embrace the resources and the roots that I have there, or do I finally break the ties and move on, which is what I have wanted to do for the last 45 years? Do I try to create a family and love?
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Work was my dream, but those dreams have all but completely faded. That focus in life cannot manifest at this point. It’s too destroyed, and a source of deep pain for me. I’ve let go by grace and not by choice or through will. I will never get to have what would have made me feel truly alive. I have to choose between the lesser of two evils when it comes to everything, something that I realize is why I have been so stuck, the only reason. So, where do I step, what trajectory do I take?
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I have profoundly shifted from using analysis and thought to waiting for my mind and my body to make the leap they need to make. All of this separate from my willful self. I used this to give me a direction now that I am free from the things that trapped me. It’s that mind or that process that has freed me, and not anything that I tried to use logic and will to make happen. I feel that, if this process works, I may be able to bring some of the divinity I have touched in meditation back into my life.
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I had an amazing breakthrough – about letting go of hiding and being willing to be “Seen”.
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Regarding relationships with self and others, it’s been about erasing the voices of the past and allowing one’s soul to breath and become. Dropping the past is a shamanic maneuver (chi gung kung fu) which requires a deep look within, and not to be afraid of the shadow self. That has been a process of the past couple years for me, making friends with those ugly monsters that lurk within my mental process and being okay with it.
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I feel as though I’ve been pushed from one bit of chaos into another, often without a chance to draw breath, bit like trying to patch a leak only to find another leak spring up somewhere else. I feel responsible for it all – both the cause of the chaos and the responsibility to fix it at the same time. A bit battered and bashed to be honest.
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The album [The Wall] is basically a reflection of my process of undoing by engaging practices that dissolve tension and lead eventually to what’s known as whole body power. Where The Wall leaves you with a broken rock star, my process leaves you with some knowledge of how to undo these walls without having to blow them up with violence. Undo yourself before somebody cruel beats you to it.
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It’s about feeling my own grace. Lately, I’ve been feeling all internally rolled up, like one of those fruit roll ups from the eighties that you unrolled to eat (though you didn’t have to!). In my fear, my insides, soul self, have rolled up and now it’s time to unroll and take up space in the personal way I do and feel free within and without.
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My new thing can’t be, and won’t be, about what my family of origin wants, or values, or respects. *It never is.* I know this, and so do they. This is a well-worn groove for us.
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I feel I’ve “offered up” so much the past couple of years, and dealt with a world of pain that accumulated over the past 14 years. Now I’m standing at the crossroads again, waiting for Hecate to show up.
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Mostly this year and the one ahead will be about me giving voice and expression to my artist soul. Narrowing my focus and concentrating my energy on the most important areas of my life; art and relationships. Saturn will make sure I do that or whack me upside the head.
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3 Responses to “Libra Notes”

  1. Charlene D. says:

    This has been an amazing time. I returned to my home town in January 2008 after 20 years out west, bought my grandmother’s house which my father began building the year I was born, and I have since been tearing it apart and rebuilding it. In the process, my relationship with my parents has completely changed. And it became very obvious to me around October 2009 that the reason my relationship with them was changing was that I no longer needed them to be a reflection of who I was. They were just themselves. And they really are good people. I spent 38 years hating my parents and now I really have come to appreciate them for all they are. At the same time I am thinking it’s probably time to sell this house and get back out into the world that I love. This time has been deeply isolating and internal but clearly necessary.

  2. karen mankoo says:

    Thank you Eric, for making me feel saner! The Saturn & Pluto themes really resonated with me; after 7 years of being divorced, the late December Pluto theme hit me when I spent (due to changing circumstances and my ex’s new baby) my first xmas without my children which devastated me. I didnt know where my family had gone, I had conflict with my “original family” – parents, siblings, I lost my job in April – my whole world seems to be falling down around my ears. Good friends moving away, etc. I have truly never felt so isolated and alone. I was contemplating taking antidepressants for the first time in my life (i have always taken a holistic view of things). But your 2010 horoscope has given me some strength and – more crucially – some hope that new and better things will grow from the rubble. Thank you from my heart, and long may your good and insightful work continue.

  3. Lydia says:

    I really began buying your products when you asserted for Librans to delve into their ancestry. (It was as if you were watching me on the ancestry sites, gathering all of the information!) I found that there were murders, aristocracy, people who just wanted the governments to leave them alone, orphans, nephritis, doctors, farmers, reverends, merchants, men who depended on the R.R. to give them work and folks with dreams of enjoying the human experience with no aggression or conflict, oh, and yes, a lobotomy to cure the abandonment, promiscuity and heartbreak of being treated like an hysterical woman prescribed one aunt’s father! I understand the southern women in my family more, and now know where the healer genes came from on all sides in many eras. I am feeling better with more energy now after being the surviving mother of a son and daughter in law that were murdered in obsessive madness. I have reexamined my belief systems; I see that I have so much experience in this life to help cause relief and wholeness for those who are open to it. I am living among people who have generations of post trauma from not being regarded as human beings and they must work it out when and how they will. I realize that I do not have a support system or any attachments here and must be open to relocating, yet I have not found where that is yet. I am now in my second year of experiencing health from the (what eastern thought expresses “my quest”) I am ready to go, yet the opportunities have not presented themselves to find others with a similar mindset. I am enjoying taking care of me while I enter my dreams that have accumulated, not knowing which one to adhere to. I am in deep debt and do not know where I can attract money to make a move, yet here I have all that I need for now. Thank you for your intuitive insights, Eric. Some weeks you have inspired me to articulate what I intuit and observe to others that might benefit from hearing truths and love.

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