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Sagittarius Notes

It’s been the best of times, and the scariest of times, and the most satisfying of times. I’ve never felt so peaceful being so confused. Maybe it’s because I realised that having to know it all was just another exhausting ego trip which I could gladly forgo. At some point during the year, I was reminded that when you are judging, there is no room left for loving. And what you are judging is usually so incidental to anything important, that you can easily let it slide right by without much effort. And then there is so much room left for peace, and breath, and laughter. And yes, when the space appears, so does the confusion. Until you decide that space doesn’t need to be filled; it just is.
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I used to think that I had to give all of myself to a friend to feel secure that the relationship really existed. Sometimes, I feel as if I’m isolated from myself, but on other days, I feel as if I am really growing into my skin. I am really trying to establish boundaries with others and learning how to establish healthy friendships while always keeping myself first (loving myself first). This has been the largest period of growth in my entire life. I don’t know what awaits me in the future, but intuitively, I feel like things are going to get better.
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Time feels as if I’m contained in this infinite bubble, yet everything outside of this flows
around in varying speeds, from insanely slow to crazily quick.
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It is as if I am brand new. I feel grounded, at peace and so open; really listening to my soul’s call and following synchronicity.
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I established a better relationship to myself- I have put me first for the first time ever and I feel like I am in a sweet love affair with myself, and quite enjoying the freedom this brings. I feel like a new person and am so strong inside and really being with that. Everything in my life seems to be changing because I have changed so much inside.
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The greatest gift from the past two years is a feeling of synthesis. Before I felt I was going (or being pulled) in so many directions, worried about being spread to thin, now I am starting to see how the pieces all fit together (and feed each other). I’m seeing who I am is reflected in what I do and where and how I live.
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It was scary two years ago losing faith and thinking that the lincoln logs I have been stacking for so many years were meaningless and can be toppled with one swift gesture of a hand, which I actually did, but in the end decided that there is a value in rebuilding.
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Looking back two years, I went through a lot of changes. I made a lot of mistakes. I learned a lot about myself, psychology, religion, philosophy and astrology. When I started reading astrology I didn’t like Saturn and Pluto, I was afraid of them. Now, I feel they are my friends.
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