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Virgo Notes

Virgo — Quotes from

The first few months were like being stuck in slow motion. Instead of getting lots accomplished, I had to fight myself to get anything done, other than physical work. This feeling of stuckness, and hating myself for being stuck, has been going on for a very long time. It feels like I’m coming out of this phase now. The energy just flows easier, or maybe it’s just that I’m not fighting the flow anymore.
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I’ve just had my first saturn return and , frankly, after the old father time came back, my life has completely changed.And he was merciless.
I was in a long term relationship that ended, had the worst financial crisis of my independent life, had several health problem (found out I am gluten intolerant, had to give my migraines a serious look, got a hip-back ligament lesion), moved to another country six months ago and got a lot more responsibility at work. So text book.
I have also been noticing, mainly during the last three-two months of saturn transiting virgo, more ‘emotional” effects; A terrible fear of losing myself and the man I just fell in love with a longing for his company and love, a terrible fear of dying alone and abandoned as I had never felt before. A huge insecurity about my ability to endear him and to face criticism.
Anyway, life goes on I have been tried to understando those insecurities and face them in a “virgoan” way, with integrity and calm, but it has been hard to stop picking myself. Everyday, however, a small new conquest is made: sticking to the new habits, both emotional and physical, are the call right now. I am trying to take better care of my health, not being absorbed by imaginary problems and worries and understanding that perfection must be taken as an utopic goal, that although can be seen, it will never be accomplished. And that there is nothing wrong with that.
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The year began with saturn creeping up to the cusp of my 12th house, then backing up to root out the really ground-in, dried-out drama lurking back there. A lot of this year’s issues revolved around a certain relationship that has driven me fairly looney. If memory serves (how could I forget), my rising degree was really active in August also, when Saturn crossed my ascendant conjunct mercury. I wish I could say we’re out of the woods but one of the many tough but invaluable lessons I have learned this year is how to face up to the hard work, especially the internal work, that must be done in order for me to ascend to the next level of experience, whether it is professional, personal, or romantic. And I have learned that I don’t really like paying the price for trying to take short cuts.
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This of course, brings me to the 15(ish)-year dance with Pluto… that is more of a Capricorn story, I suppose, but suffice to say I feel like I’m in a blender most of the time. Like I don’t know up from down, but in a way, I like it, because I have spent so much of my life not really liking who I am, coming down so hard on the parts of my personality that are less than perfect, that are vulnerable, emotional, etc… This feels like an awesome chance to reset my identity–especially the part that believes I need to be radically different to be happy with myself!
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The Chiron-Jupiter-Neptune alignment has me thinking big about future work. I’ve started to become really aware of the stories I tell myself. I see how I can easily be addicted to my daydreams and fantasies. There is clearly a discipline involved in visioning that I’m working to develop.
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I see others are facing tumultuous changes, and some facing them with fear and trepidation. I’m more afraid of things not changing, and see all of what’s happened in the last 18 months as miraculous, though terrifying and utterly heart-breaking.
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It’s been a tremendous time of growth for me. It’s like I’d been hovering around the mentality and outward appearance of a 29-year-old as I approach the reality of being 40. But in the past two years, I think my face has aged and I’m okay with that. My outlook has aged, too. I’ve let go a lot of old ideas about who I should be. And I feel like I finally get how routines and disciple are great friends to a creative and free life.
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I have been forced to look honestly at myself through these tumultuous few years warts and all. I have learned to develop trust, acceptance, patience, courage because I’ve had to – I was turned inside out and round about. I am reconciling my differing energies better than I ever have – my Virgo need for routine and stability all the while letting my Sagg. side holler “Don’t Fence Me In!” I’m not going to go into the why and wherefores of it all, but my world and those I choose to engage with seem to finally support and reflect who I am at the core of me. I no longer feel so alone and misunderstood. I see goodness amidst much turmoil. I have learned to quietly speak my truth and not be so afraid.
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Life has been complete and utter hell at times this past year but I am finally feeling happier than I ever have in my whole life. Since Saturn moved on last week into Libra I felt magical sprinklings of stardust, golden and we are heading back to the garden.
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Saturn through Virgo (mostly in my 12th) has seen a lot of inner work, which became heavy outer work as my Ascendent was crossed. Saturn and Pluto have stired up the angles of my chart as well as all the planets situated there. It has not escaped me that all my personal transits are tracking with the larger world crisis that also demands major change and overhauling of how we relate to each other, the world, finance, etc. I’m doing it on an individual basis.
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I have realized that my concept about money needs a sea change. The fun in one’s life need not be money driven. I have to look for new ways to make fun without much money to spend.
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The momentum of saturn in virgo slowly built up and by the end of 2008 and all throughout 2009, I knew that every day would bring some other crazy-making experience into my life. Inside my head, someone was continuously scraping their fingernails on a blackboard and there were many days when I ended up in a sobbing ball on the bed. I stuck my neck out many times to try to do things differently and was slapped down more times than not. I woke up each day almost afraid to look in the bathroom mirror because I didn’t know if I’d see Dr. Jekyll or Ms. Hyde. All of my lessons were in an extreme form. Sometimes I felt as if I was being tossed around inside a clothes dryer and other times I felt as if I was an actor in a movie where someone gave me the wrong script.
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One Response to “Virgo Notes”

  1. amy says:

    Reading EF’s Virgo annual horoscope was like reading page upon page of the best fortune cookie. The last two days I’ve been visualizing myself as a seed and it makes me feel empowered, intuitive, beautiful, connected, present, eternal, and healing and and and……

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